OT Computer Humour

OT Computer Humour

Post by Connie » Thu, 23 Mar 2000 04:00:00



You will never have an extra blank disk.

If you do bring along a blank disk, you won't need it.

If you don't bring along a blank disk, it will be the only available
opportunity to obtain a copy of a hitherto unattainable, and uniquely
appropriate program.

If someone else is watching while you are doing anything on the computer,
anything at all, it will***up (that's a technical term).

The percentage chances of screwing up increase in direct proportion to the
size of your audience.

No matter how simple it seems to you, your explanation will be more than
they want to know.

You will amaze yourself at how much you know.

You will amaze your mother at how much you know about computers.

You will always have one disk envelope too few. Or too many.

The only pieces of data you will ever lose are the ones you were going to
save just as soon as you finished typing a couple more lines.

The update of your program will use the keys for something entirely
different in this version than it did when you first learned it.

You will not understand it the first time you read it in the manual.

You will understand it better the next time you read the manual. For no
discernible reason.

When you are late for an interview and need a last minute copy of your
resume you printer will go down. It will always go down. It doesn't care.
Nowhere in your repair manual will it ever tell you what you really need to
do--which is to turn the darn thing off and get yourself a cup of tea.

You will never know what a user file is.

The price of anything you buy will stay the same until the actual impact of
your money on the bottom of the cash drawer, at which time it will
automatically re-list itself in next
Thursday's paper at 30% less.

Staring at the screen for 97 continuous minutes will not necessarily reveal
to you the secret location of any colon that should have been typed in as a
semi.  Or vice versa.

It will always seem like your friend got a better deal.

The 800 number will be busy.

 
 
 

OT Computer Humour

Post by Ro Sloan » Thu, 23 Mar 2000 04:00:00


more computer humor:

Thought some of you would appreciate this Religious + Computer Humor:

Quote:

> > Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on
> his
> > computer.  They had been going at it for days and God was tired of
hearing
> all
> > of the bickering.  Finally God said, "Cool it, I am going to set up a
test
> > that
> > will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.

> > So, down sat Satan and Jesus at their keyboards and they began to type
> away.

> > They moused.  They did spreadsheets.  They wrote reports. They sent
faxes.
> > They
> > sent e-mail.  They sent out e-mail with attachments.  They downloaded.
> They
> > did
> > some genealogy reports.  They made cards.  They did every known job.

> > But ten minutes before their time was up, lightening suddenly flashed
> across
> > the
> > sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity
went
> off.

> > Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in
> the
> > underworld.

> > Jesus just sighed.

> > The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted
> their
> > computers.

> > Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone!  It's all
gone!
> I
> > lost everything when the power went out!"

> > Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
> past
> > two
> > hours.

> > Satan observed this and became irate.  "Wait! He cheated! How did he do
> it?"

> > God shrugged and said,

> > "Jesus saves."

Respectfully plagarized and submitted
ro (not wena)

 
 
 

OT Computer Humour

Post by Suzie or Paul Beckwi » Fri, 24 Mar 2000 04:00:00


With apologies for going off on a tangent...

Quote:
>> > God shrugged and said,

>> > "Jesus saves."

Yeah, but not on my salary...

or

but Becker gets it in on the rebound...

Suzie B
--
Southend, UK
"You can always tell a quilter by the thread she wears..."
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