OT: A wonderful laugh

OT: A wonderful laugh

Post by PS » Fri, 08 Feb 2002 10:37:09



1.Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
allowed per passenger"Nancy Macleod
.

2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer.

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went
back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist
hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him.... what? (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good) A super
callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 
 
 

OT: A wonderful laugh

Post by Wayne and Sharon Harpe » Fri, 08 Feb 2002 10:50:41


Oh Heck that is it!  I'm sitting here convulsed with tears streaming down my
face.  No. 7  was a classic but it was (9) that did me in.

Thanks - I needed it

Sharon from Melbourne Australia


Quote:

> 1.Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead raccoons. The
> stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
> allowed per passenger"Nancy Macleod
> .

> 2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One went to Hollywood and
> became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
> never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
> lesser of two weevils.

> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
> the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
> heat it, too.

> 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
> the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".

> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal?
> He wanted to transcend dental medication.

> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
> the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour,
> the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
> they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess
nuts
> boasting in an open foyer.

> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
> family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain
> they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
> birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
> wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
> twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

> 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
> small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from
> the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
> unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went
> back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist
> hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
> "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
> saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
> thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
> produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little,
> which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
> breath. This made him.... what? (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good) A
super
> callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
> friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
> laugh.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


 
 
 

OT: A wonderful laugh

Post by Kath » Fri, 08 Feb 2002 11:08:11


Ouch! :)

--
Kathy Applebaum (Woodland, CA)
longarm machine quilting

 
 
 

OT: A wonderful laugh

Post by Ronnie Wexl » Fri, 08 Feb 2002 11:19:49


Ok, one bad pun deserves another (which is why this is a long list)

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
To err is human, to moo bovine.
A good pun is its own reword.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
If life gives you llamas, make llamanade.
Despite rumors to the contrary, a mime is actually a very satisfying thing
to waste.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's *** type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just  kiln time.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your  mother.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Adolescence - when a lad forsakes his bosom buddy for a bosomed buddy.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
***s should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

OK, one, two, three .... GROAN

--

 
 
 

OT: A wonderful laugh

Post by Michel » Fri, 08 Feb 2002 13:10:07


I read #8 to my British husband who has never heard of Smokey the Bear.....
it was a laugh!

Loved them,,,,

--
Michele in Dallas


www.mingm.com/michele.cook/index.htm

remove no spam to reply

Quote:

> 1.Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead raccoons. The
> stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
> allowed per passenger"Nancy Macleod
> .

> 2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One went to Hollywood and
> became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
> never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
> lesser of two weevils.

> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
> the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
> heat it, too.

> 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
> the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".

> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal?
> He wanted to transcend dental medication.

> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
> the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour,
> the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
> they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess
nuts
> boasting in an open foyer.

> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
> family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain
> they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
> birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
> wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
> twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

> 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
> small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from
> the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
> unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went
> back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist
> hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
> "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
> saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
> thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
> produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little,
> which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
> breath. This made him.... what? (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good) A
super
> callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
> friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
> laugh.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 
 
 

OT: A wonderful laugh

Post by Ruth in Happy Cam » Sat, 09 Feb 2002 01:12:52


Boo!  Hiss!  (Sending rotten tomatoes your way.)
--
Ruth in Happy Camp

Quote:

> 1.Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead raccoons. The
> stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
> allowed per passenger"Nancy Macleod
> .

> 2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One went to Hollywood and
> became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
> never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
> lesser of two weevils.

> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
> the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
> heat it, too.

> 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
> the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".

> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal?
> He wanted to transcend dental medication.

> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
> the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour,
> the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
> they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess
nuts
> boasting in an open foyer.

> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
> family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain
> they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
> birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
> wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
> twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

> 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
> small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from
> the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
> unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went
> back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist
> hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
> "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
> saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
> thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
> produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little,
> which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
> breath. This made him.... what? (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good) A
super
> callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
> friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
> laugh.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 
 
 

OT: A wonderful laugh

Post by chippe » Sat, 09 Feb 2002 03:58:04


I'm clutching my throat, my tongue is*** out, and my eyes are Xs.  Hope
you're satisfied.
chipper :P


Quote:
> Ok, one bad pun deserves another (which is why this is a long list)

> Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
> To err is human, to moo bovine.
> A good pun is its own reword.
> Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
> If life gives you llamas, make llamanade.
> Despite rumors to the contrary, a mime is actually a very satisfying thing
> to waste.
> A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
> A pessimist's *** type is always b-negative.
> My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just  kiln time.
> Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
> Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
> Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
> I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
> A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your  mother.
> I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
> I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me
the axe.
> A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
> Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
> Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
> Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
> Adolescence - when a lad forsakes his bosom buddy for a bosomed buddy.
> Banning the bra was a big flop.
> Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
> Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
> A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
> Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
> Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
> A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
> She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat.
> Without geometry, life is pointless.
> When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
> ***s should be used on every conceivable occasion.
> Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
> When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

> OK, one, two, three .... GROAN

> --

 
 
 

OT: A wonderful laugh

Post by Ronnie Wexl » Sat, 09 Feb 2002 06:23:12


Yup.  <GGGGG>

Ronnie


Quote:

> I'm clutching my throat, my tongue is*** out, and my eyes are Xs.  Hope
> you're satisfied.
> chipper :P



> > Ok, one bad pun deserves another (which is why this is a long list)

> > Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
> > To err is human, to moo bovine.
> > A good pun is its own reword.
> > Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
> > If life gives you llamas, make llamanade.
> > Despite rumors to the contrary, a mime is actually a very satisfying thing
> > to waste.
> > A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
> > A pessimist's *** type is always b-negative.
> > My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just  kiln time.
> > Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
> > Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
> > Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
> > I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
> > A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your  mother.
> > I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
> > I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me
> the axe.
> > A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
> > Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
> > Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
> > Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
> > Adolescence - when a lad forsakes his bosom buddy for a bosomed buddy.
> > Banning the bra was a big flop.
> > Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
> > Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
> > A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
> > Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
> > Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
> > A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
> > She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat.
> > Without geometry, life is pointless.
> > When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
> > ***s should be used on every conceivable occasion.
> > Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
> > When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

> > OK, one, two, three .... GROAN

> > --

--
 
 
 

OT: A wonderful laugh

Post by VanGoghLoverin » Sun, 10 Feb 2002 03:33:49


Thanks. These made me laugh so hard my QI ran up the stairs.
Grace
 
 
 

OT: A wonderful laugh

Post by Claire Saunder » Mon, 11 Feb 2002 02:23:01


Wow, thank you both for a really good chuckle, I need it!!

Yours in chuckles, Claire :-)