Okay I've been in an awful mood for several days. I noticed it really today
and thought back to what has changed. I ran out of my happy pills and
haven't picked them up at the pharmacy. I'll do that tomorrow.
I was in a cruddy mood for many reason: I didn't want to do the deposition
today; I was tired; I didn't want to go to the Pow-Wow but DH won't go
without me; I don't want to work at Dell; my head has been really killing me
and I had to cancel the shots yesterday; If I miss one day of training I
won't have a job; Trinkett is in heat and will get pregnant this one and
only time I hope; the sun was too bright; people were in a good mood; and
the list goes on and on.
I felt so overwhelmed and hurt, angry, mad (whatever) I just didn't want to
take another breath by this afternoon. At that moment I wanted God to just
take me. I wasn't even sure I'd make it through the gate I was so mean to
DH today. I was in a stinking bad mood. When we finally got to eat today I
told DH I wanted to get wasted. I don't like getting drunk but I was
already in a bad mood so why not. In reality I had a glass of wine which
was very good and got so tipsy on one glass that I was happy for a while.
So why did I tell you guys this? Because I feel so much better. Even
though I had a tough day I know someone, like our dear Rebekah, who is
having a worse day. I'm grateful I can vent and even though you guys may
not know or understand I know that you are there for me.
BTW - This day ended very well even though I was really mean most of the
That brings me to another point STEVE. When you are in pain you just want
to have a pain free moment. I didn't get that today but thanks to a loving
DH he made things all the more better by not even have my angry bad mood rub
off onto him. I love him all the more because he knows I'm lashing out and
he lets it roll off his back and just loves me.